Tom Brokaw once told a graduating class something startling and painfully accurate. At Emory’s 2005 commencement, he said:

“Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2005 at Emory, real life is not college; real life is not high school. Here is a secret that no one has told you: Real life is junior high. The world that you’re about to enter is filled with junior high adolescent pettiness, pubescent rivalries, the insecurities of 13-year-olds, and the false bravado of 14-year-olds.”

The truly sad thing about this 20-year-old observation is that nothing has changed. For the most part, the generation to which and of which Brokaw spoke have not outgrown their pubescence. This reality is at the heart of our society’s extreme, and sometimes violent polarization.

We expect this sort of behavior from the kids as they begin to navigate their way through the world looking for something with which to define themselves. What we don’t expect is that this behavior continues throughout life. We expect adults to have outgrown their insecurities of the teenage years.

You are probably shaking your head in agreement with me as you consider the world around you. While it is easy to see this immaturity in others and to decry our deplorable situation, the challenge is to do something about it.

But, here’s the kicker—there is nothing you can do about it.

People who have grown up with these attitudes have no desire to change. They are comfortable with who they are. More often than not, they don’t think they have a problem. One of the characteristics of the junior-high mentality is the inability to accept responsibility. Therefore, blaming is the only tool in their skillset.

Blaming someone else—someone who has the same character as the one doing the blaming—will usually result in a heated argument. Those heated arguments end up with both sides mad at the other. Nothing is settled.

The anger and bitterness is carried away and stored in the heart of the combatants while they mentally continue to blame the other. This mindset is at the root of our us/them mentality of modern society.

We can see the problem.

We can bemoan our societal condition.

We can post pious platitudes hoping they will see and understand.

We can continue this exercise in futility into eternity with the same results.

There is only one thing which can be done, and it begins with you.

Examine yourself.

Do you respond or react when confronted with childish behavior from an adult? Is anger, frustration, retaliation the first to surface when you are accused of something? (Remember, blaming from one means that another is being accused.)